Saturday, December 11, 2010

Christmas and babies

It's time to blog because I'm so sick of seeing my Halloween post! I'm sitting in my little house and just LOVING the lights of the Christmas tree and planning out the remainder of my Christmas shopping. I'm almost done, which is extremely unusual for me since I NEVER know what to get Ben and always go to the mall and walk around about a bagazillion times hoping for some inspiration... but this year inspiration struck early and I can't wait to see his face on Christmas morning :)
There truly is something magical about this holiday... there's such a warm aura of family and love and joy and most of all an increased awareness of our Savior. He is so aware of us and gives us so many reasons to be happy!
On a rather personal note, Ben and I have recently hit a new roadblock on our journey to have children. For just under 2 years we've been trying to conceive, although we knew from the start that it would be difficult. After failed attempts on different fertility pills my doctor looked at me a few weeks ago and said "You're over my head now, you're complicated." The entire time we'd been trying there'd been a lot of peace and a complete reassurance that we had no need to worry. However, those words coming from my doctor stopped me in my tracks. I was at work (since I work at L&D I'm able to just pull my doctor aside when I have questions. So we were standing in the hall when he told me the news) and so I hurried into a supply room and called Ben, which is when I started bawling and freaking out. Of course Ben was perfect and comforted me and remained strong even though the news was just as bad for him. A few days later as I was trying to make my appointments with the specialists down at the U we realized how quickly the expenses would add up as we began this new step in the journey. Of course then the anxiety over whether or not we'll be able to have children of our own combined with the stress of the huge financial burden that this presented.
Ben and I talked a lot and yearned for direction and guidance from the Lord. He has given us immense peace through this entire experience and we still feel certain that He is watching over us. We have decided to put the medical procedures at the U on hold for a short while and feel very peaceful about this decision. I love my sweet husband so much and he's been amazing through everything. He is so faithful and calm and rarely gets his feathers ruffled. Because of him and because of our wonderful Savior and our faith in His plan we're able to be grateful for our time together, just the two of us! We hope for children soon but are peaceful and happy in the fact that all is in our loving Heavenly Father's hands, and ultimately everything will work out as it should!