There truly is something magical about this holiday... there's such a warm aura of family and love and joy and most of all an increased awareness of our Savior. He is so aware of us and gives us so many reasons to be happy!
On a rather personal note, Ben and I have recently hit a new roadblock on our journey to have children. For just under 2 years we've been trying to conceive, although we knew from the start that it would be difficult. After failed attempts on different fertility pills my doctor looked at me a few weeks ago and said "You're over my head now, you're complicated." The entire time we'd been trying there'd been a lot of peace and a complete reassurance that we had no need to worry. However, those words coming from my doctor stopped me in my tracks. I was at work (since I work at L&D I'm able to just pull my doctor aside when I have questions. So we were standing in the hall when he told me the news) and so I hurried into a supply room and called Ben, which is when I started bawling and freaking out. Of course Ben was perfect and comforted me and remained strong even though the news was just as bad for him. A few days later as I was trying to make my appointments with the specialists down at the U we realized how quickly the expenses would add up as we began this new step in the journey. Of course then the anxiety over whether or not we'll be able to have children of our own combined with the stress of the huge financial burden that this presented.
Ben and I talked a lot and yearned for direction and guidance from the Lord. He has given us immense peace through this entire experience and we still feel certain that He is watching over us. We have decided to put the medical procedures at the U on hold for a short while and feel very peaceful about this decision. I love my sweet husband so much and he's been amazing through everything. He is so faithful and calm and rarely gets his feathers ruffled. Because of him and because of our wonderful Savior and our faith in His plan we're able to be grateful for our time together, just the two of us! We hope for children soon but are peaceful and happy in the fact that all is in our loving Heavenly Father's hands, and ultimately everything will work out as it should!
You guys are awesome and it will all happen in time. Maybe your family is on hold right now because you were supposed to be available to help me with mine. Our kids just adore you guys- you'll be great parents when it happens!
ReplyDeleteI'm very excited for a darling niece or nephew, but enjoy it for now! I love Mahala to pieces, but there are seriously days where it'd be really nice to just take care of myself. She took us a while, too. Oh the joys! You're great!
ReplyDeleteKelli, I had no idea!! I am sorry that you have been going through this, but I admire so much your faith and your strength! It will happen.....I PROMISE! Hugs to you guys! Happy Holiday's Kelli, you are one AMAZING gal you know!
ReplyDeleteOh sister! I totally know where you are at. Did you know that we tried for 2 1/2 yrs to get Jake and 4 1/2 to get the twins? I know that crazy heartache and all the tears that come with infertility.
ReplyDeleteWhile I was reading your post I thought I wanted to tell you 2 things that really helped me.
First, I remember the day that the doctor told me that there was no possible way that Ry and I can get pregnant without some serious treatments. I was totally crushed. When I told Lynne she told me EXACTLY what I needed to hear. She had just been to a fireside by the Mt. Timp Temple Pres. He made a promise to them that if we have trials and we commit to go to the temple once a week, fasting, within 6 months we would see great miracles take place in our lives.
Ry and I quit all fertility. We had felt peace and we decided to completely put it in the Lord's hands. We committed and we went to the temple together each week, fasting.
I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of the third month. To this day I know that was a great miracle. Turning our will over to the Lord, pleading for children, but also pleading to have the faith to accept his will, whatever it is, was powerful and life changing.
The second was what we needed for the twins. We lived almost 3 hours from a temple. It would require a 10 hour trip and we couldn't do it once per week. So we prayed like crazy and felt strongly about going to a fertility specialist. A lot of people give up after the OB/GYN reaches their limits. I was there. However, I was so excited when I went to my fertility specialist. I told her that I wanted to be super aggressive. I was ready. She was TOTALLY amazing! I was prego WITH twins in the first month. I know that is rare, but still I was SO glad I did it!
A friend of mine, who is a doctor, convinced me about the importance of specialist. They have all the same schooling as your normal doctor plus sometimes another 8 years of school specifically for one thing. Infertility doctors have access to SO much more than OB's.
Yes, they can be TOTALLY expensive. Here is the deal. When we were trying for the twins it was A TON more than we thought we could do, but we felt strongly about it. So we moved forward. It was expected, but it was amazing how much the Lord helped. We were paying our tithing, this was a righteous desire and we had felt like we were suppose to move forward. We did with faith that the Lord would help. We made payments and the fertility clinic, knowing we have to foot the bill on all of this, totally worked with us. They are so great! Don't let money stop you. The Lord is capable of everything and if you feel you should move forward, He with not leave you without help.
One last thing, cause this is the LLLOONNNNGGGEESSTT comment :). My fertility doctors name was Cristin Slater. She was in Boise, ID. I just found out she opened up a clinic in Pleasant Grove! LOOK HER UP! She really is SO amazing! I absolutely love her! She listens to you and is willing to work at a pace comfortable for you! You should totally do a consult with her when you are ready. Her number is 888-353-3304 ask for the Utah office.
LOTS OF LOVE! Good luck!
oh kelli, you guys are so strong and i admire you for that!I loved this post thanks for sharing! we are thinking of you guys always!
ReplyDeleteoh kelli! i'd have to agree with holly...you guys are so strong! i would have the HARDEST time!!! but we know first hand that Heavenly Father knows what is best and gives us our own trials for a reason! He will never give us something we can't handle! continue to have faith and everything will work out just fine!
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Kelli!! I admire your faith and knowledge that the Lord will take care of you. I couldn't imagine going through something like this with out the strength and faith that you have!
ReplyDeleteI hope you and your cute hubby have a fabulous Holiday, I love you!!
I think it is amazing to read your words! It seriously breaks my heart because I know it breaks yours as well. I know that when the time is right, you will have kids. Whether your own or adopted. We love you so much! If you ever want to watch ours you are more than welcome...haha ;) I hope your Christmas was great and we all need to get together and go to sushi!!
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